I am a person of excellence, and I try my very best consistently. But that doesn't make me perfect, and it doesn't make me immune from human frailty. So I will not allow you to limit my right to be imperfect, and my right to know who I am - even when you don't.
In the past, well meaning friends have tried to limit me and tell me who they think I am. Primarily painting me to be Miss Perfect because I'm ambitious, persistent, and accomplished. And when I made mistakes or stepped outside of their comfortable limited views of me, they condemn my behavior either with thinly vieled caustic humor or outright accusation. What made it difficult in identifying their projections was that their intention was well meaning.
But I had to balance out their supposed good intention "to help" with how I FELT, and I never feel good when others attempt to limit my humanity.
When I feel sad, angry, persecuted, victimized, betrayed, [fill in any negative emotion], then I don't want to have my humanity limited and expected to quickly "get over it" or expected not to react at all. You don't have to listen to me. I can certainly find another friend to lend an ear. But you will also not control me.
How did I solve this dilemna?
1. I listened to how I felt and how I reacted, not just the well meaning intention of the speaker. But also how I feel or receive the message is just as important as the message. Am I perfect? No, so I do listen to valid suggestions. But often the intention was mixed with their control issues so I took into consideration if this "friend" was attempting to control the situation or me. As opposed to genuinely sharing healing advice about forgiveness, peace of mind, and maturity. I'm really great at listening and respecting friends so I expect the same benefits in return.
2. I limited my interaction, and in some cases discontinued the friendships, with these controlling people. Because ultimately a controlling person will soak up all the compassion from you, and then condemn you when you attempt to extract some of that in return.
Ultimately, I'd rather preserve my self-respect which means accepting my good with my bad. I am dimensional, and my real friends get that.